Don’t freak. Going bald is a completely natural…really it is. You’re not the only man out there suffering from escaping hair syndrome (or the freaking out part, for that matter).
It’s true—women go crazy over men with thick powerful hair. My sisters gushed over Loki for weeks. Loki–whimpering, psychotic Loki. He’s a cry baby, but dude has killer locks which makes him a babe magnet.
Cowardly Loki teaches us two things: don’t piss off the Hulk and hair is a power stance. We don’t need to worry about the Hulk, but we often do obsess over how many inches our hair line has decreased (mines 5 inches as of this morning). However, there is good news—women love confidence. So as long as you’re rocking the balding look, you’re not out of the game.
Before hitting the barber, you need to plan out your new hair-do. Don’t believe me? I have three words for you: George Costanza, Seinfield. The dudes got no sex appeal. Remember as a balding or bald man, hair disasters can reach code red with a few wrong snips. So, what are a couple of things to avoid when managing the thinning look? Here are a couple things you can do to help out during the process.
The Comb Over
No. Just—no. You’re trying to imply that you have more hair than you do—and believe me, even a blind man can probably sense the ill-thought style. Donald Trump gets away with it because he has more money than God.
Unless you have the money to attract exotic gold diggers, try the “shaggy layers” look. This helps if you’re starting to go thin, but you aren’t quite to the stage of completely changing the way you look. By asking your barber to cut the top of your hair in uneven layers, it hides the fact that you’re going bald. It creates a rugged look that women love.
Don’t try to mimic “business in the front, party in the back.” That isn’t passable when you have hair. Longer hair on the bottom does not compensate for the fact your noggin is more bare than it was when you first entered the world. Don’t do any weird math equations with your hair (no hair+ long hair=country hick).
Instead keep your hair neatly trimmed, and distract from your hair with facial hair. A well-developed mustache or goatee will direct attention to the face, instead of the top of your head.
The Circular Effect
This could be the “au natural” look AKA the George Costanza. I’m all for the natural look, but you need to carefully control this look. A clean shaven man that is carefully groomed, and wears high class clothes can get away with this look. A sloppily dressed man with uncontrollable facial hair will fall firmly in the George Costanza category.
For the George Costanza clones out there, I would suggest embracing the bald. This is a bold statement. It also gives you an aura of danger. Be confident, be dangerous. Join the badass celebrities out there that rock a shaved head—Jason Statham, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis—you get the idea.
The Transplant Scar
We’ve all thought of it: magically and scientifically reattaching the hair to our heads. It would solve all of our hair problems! Before you go running for the hills of hair restoration, you should know about the potential dangers. Follicular Unit Transplant procedures result in scars from hell.
It does tend to restore the hair, but you still need to carefully plan your hair-do. If you were unfortunate to opt for one of these procedures, you should never sport any bare headed, buzz, or shorter haircuts. Longer, shaggier haircuts will be needed to cover the upraised gnarly scar.
Balding isn’t the end of the world, it’s just another stage of your life. Own it, and people will see that. Just don’t go running out to buy the next Tom Keifer wig or a FUT transplant. There are better ways to deal with your hair loss.
After spending years of hiding abysmal hair, Brett Collins decided to proactively plan his next do. It’s been years since he had to hair a butchered hair under a beanie.